Spaghetti Bolognese

Bolognese Ragu looks and tastes an awful lot like Sloppy Joe mix. there, I said it.

The main difference between the two (besides originating from opposite sides of Planet Earth) is the length of time it takes to make each one. Bolognese takes at least 2 hours to cook, while Sloppy Joes can be thrown together in 10-15 minutes.

My sneaking suspicision (and this is all in theory) is that old school Italian ladies would make this during their daily chores and leisurely habits. The length of cooking time each stage endured, depended upon how long it took the cook to sip and finish an espresso, chop and sun dry tomatoes, or whatever else an Italian lady (in my mind) would be doing generations ago (or quite possibly, still in this day & age). Either way, cooking intervals would vary from 30 minutes to an hour.

Before you're turned off by the lengthy cooking time, I should point out that in the life of a bolognese sauce, a knife is needed only to cut vegetables to be pulsed in a food processor. The same is arguably true in the life of sloppy Joe mix, BUT! In between the making, eating, and cleaning up of your briskly made sloppy Joes... make a pot of bolognese and have dinner ready for tomorrow. What's it gonna hurt?

Okay. I know what you're thinking.

This. Looks. Like. Diarrhea.

Looks can be deceiving though. And thank God for this, because bolognese does NOT taste like diarrhea. Your kitchen will smell nothing like a used bathroom either.

Alright, now that we're all fully grossed out. Let's shift our thoughts to happier and tastier places.

That's more like it.

Ingredients:

2 Onions
1 Stalk Celery
1 Large Carrot
*aka mirepoix

2 Lashings of Streaky Bacon (a little English lingo for an Italian recipe)
1lb Lean Ground Beef (the 93/7 stuff)
2Tbl Tomato Paste
8oz Red Wine
8oz Whole Milk

Remove the ends of the carrot, celery, and onion.
Quarter the onion, and chop the remaining two vegetables.
Pulse in a food processor.

Combine:
2 Tbl EVOO
1 1/2Tbl Butter
Heat in a pot over medium heat

Once melted, add the processed mirepoix

Cook over low for 30 minutes.

Rinse out the food processor & wipe it (somewhat) clean.

Add 2 strips of bacon.

Pulse until the bacon is minced.

Make a "well" in the center of the pot

In lamen's terms, push the cooked veggies to the outer edges to make way for the bacon & ground beef

Incorporate everything by stirring.

In lamen's terms, stab at the meat with a wooden spoon and break everything up by force 

Note: no salt or pepper has been added at this point.

Cook for 45 minutes.

After 45 minutes has passed, make another "well" and add tomato paste

Not the prettiest thing in the world is it? Trust, it gets uglier. Maybe this is a good time to put our wine or beer goggles on.

Hurry up and uncork this bottle.

Love that sound.

Hate that taste. I drank it anyway since I'm trying to convince myself wine is tasty.

Once 45 minutes passes,

Add 1/2teas Kosher Salt & mix through

Douse in 8oz of wine

Time for wine. Glug. Glug. Glug. Glug. Glug.

Cook for 30 more minutes

Then FINALLY!

Time to finish the sauce off with a glass of milk.

Then plate up with spaghetti or other pasta of your choosing.

Bolognese is not saucy or liquidy, but very dry. Once twirled with a fork, the dish really comes to life.

Okay, it doesn't really "come to life." That's just what I heard a chef say one time, and it sort've stuck with me. If you do want a saucier sauce, add an extra cup of water & milk. Or add 15oz of crushed canned tomatoes along with the tomato paste.

The addition of garlic is optional and should be added in the w/the mirepoix if you choose to go this route. Personally, I'd rather save the clove of garlic for garlic bread.

Mangia! Mangia!