Gourmet Salts Can Suck It

Foodies have convinced me of a lot of things. I'm first to admit. But a recent run-in w/a certain salt has made me swear off buying "gourmet" salts.

Because options are nice, I have two salts in my kitchen. Iodized & Kosher.

  

 Recently, I received a little extra spending money so I decided to splurge. On salt. (I know. I don't wanna hear it.) 

I took my happy self down to the specialty food store. I made a bee-line to where the salts are kept. I stood there looking at the many varieties of salt. Me looking at them. Them looking back at me. I ran my finger over a few. Read some of their stories.

This isn't me. But it might as well be.

Once acquainted, I started racking my brain for salt facts.

Thoughts something like this started going through my head: Fleur de Sel is from France and comes in flecks. Would prove to be a nice finishing salt. Red salt. Pew. Smells like sulfur. Grey sea salt. Doesn't Michael Chiarello use this? Yah, I think he does.

What a tool.

I'm not buying Grey Sea Salt.

Fleur de Sel it is.

  Okay, $12.99 for 6oz. So, 16oz = a pound. Calculater time. 16 divided by 6 equals 2.667. Okay, 2.667 times 12.99 equals (pause for reaction)

THIRTY FOUR DOLLARS & SIXTY FOUR CENTS?!

... WHAAAAAT?!

$34.64 per pound for Fluer de Sel that, oh whadaya know, still tastes like salt.

That's when it hit me. What am I doing? It's salt. What the eff is finishing salt anyways? Is there a salt section here for beginning salt? No. There's not, because it's an imaginery made up thing. If I bought salt that was $34.64 a pound, I'd never use it. I'd just look at it. It'd be too painful for me to use. Hey everybody! Fleur de Sel is on Aisle RIDICULOUS.

Needless to say, I didn't buy it & left immediately. Once home, I kissed & made up with my iodized and Kosher salt for ever trying to find a salt any better.

$34.64. (in my John McEnroe voice) You've GOT to be kidding me!

Don't get me wrong though, if anyone wants to gift me Fleur de Sel... don't think twice. I'd love to look @ it in my kitchen.

Parmesean Chicken

Parmesean Chicken is a people-pleaser. While that's all said & good, like any other people-pleaser in this world, with it comes an invetiable downfall. Parmesean chicken's shortcoming? It requires a  lot of bowls & plates during its preparation.

Now that its dirty laundry has been aired, let it do it's thing. Let it please you.

Instructions:

Line up 3 bowls
Bowl 1: Flour, S&P
Bowl 2: Eggs, milk, oregano
Bowl 3: Breadcrumbs, cheese, onion powder, garlic powder, fresh parsley

Slice 2 chicken breasts like you would a bagel
Pound each chicken (cut-like-a-bagel) cutlet with a mallet until thin.

Step 1: Dredge in flour
Step 2: Dip in egg mixture
Step 3: Coat in breadcrumb/parmesean

Wash hands.

In a pan, heat 1Tbl extra virgin olive oil w/1 Tbl butter over medium heat.

Once melted & bubbling
Swirl the pan while you wait. It's fun.
Add 2 coated cutlets
Cook 4min.
Flip.
Cook 2min.

Remove to a clean plate
Turn heat down to Med-Low

Add 1Tbl extra virgin olive oil w/1Tbl butter
Add 2 coated cutlets 
Cook 3 min.
Flip.
Cook 2min.


The Specifics:  
Bowl 1
1c Flour
1teas Salt
10 Grinds pepper or 1/4teas ground pepper

In bowl (or shallow dish) number 1

Bowl 2 
1/2c Milk
2 Eggs
1/2t dried oregano

In bowl (or shallow dish) number 2

 

Bowl 3
1/2c Plain Bread Crumbs
1/2c Grated Parmesean
1/2teas Onion Powder
1/2teas Garlic Powder
1Tbl Chopped Fresh Parsley

In bowl (or shallow dish) number 3

 

Line up, like so, in this order.

Next Up:

Chicken Boobs

Slice as best you can

Flatten the way you see fit

I need to point out that when you flatten your chicken, some meat may tear. This is not a tragedy. The flavor will not be compromised.
Wash your hands clean.
Arrange in a convenient order.

Line em up

Bowl 1: Mix S&P through flour
Bowl 2: Whisk eggs
Bowl 3: Mix seasonings into the cheese & breadcrumbs
*Note that there will be a lot of flour & egg mixture leftover. The excess eases my mind. The amount of breadcrumb mixture is just enough. I don't like throwing away Parmesean.

Practice steps 1-3.  Like this.

Dredge

Dip

Coat

Have a clean plate handy to collect the fruits of your labor.

Stack em up

Wash your hands clean. 

Saute:
Add 1Tbl extra virgin olive oil w/1Tbl butter. Heat over medium.

Melting

Heat

Sizzling

Once bubbling (after approx. 3-4min), add the coated chicken cutlets

Cook 4 minutes.

Flip.

Flippage

Continue to cook 2 minutes.
*Note that the 2nd side always cooks faster than the 1st.
Remove from pan to a clean plate.


Holding plate

 Turn the heat down to medium low.

Control your heat

Immeditately, add 1Tbl extra virgin olive oil w/1 Tbl butter.
Add the other 2 chicken cutlets. The pan should instantly be ready.
Cook 3 minutes.
Flip.

Flip like before

Cook 2 minutes.


Add to holding plate

Congratulations. You've just made Chicken Parmesean.

Douse with lemon or not. Totally up to you.

At this stage in the game, you could melt a gooey cheese over it. Smother in sauce. Cut up over a salad. Serve with pasta. You can do whatever you feel like doing to it. Like I said, Parmesean Chicken is a people-pleaser.


 Shout out to Jason for picking up breadcrumbs on his way home for me that I'd forgotten.  

Meatballs



You could be eating this.

Here's How

1/2lb Beef  (85/15)
1/2 lb Pork (80/20)

S&P
1 teas Garlic Powder

2 Eggs
1 1/2c Bread Crumbs
1/4c Grated Parm
3Tbl Grated Onion
2 Minced Garlic Cloves
2Tbl Chopped Parsely
2Tbl Ketchup

Mix.
Form into meatballs.
Brown in a pan with 3Tbl Extra Olive Oil.
Flip. Brown.
Deglaze with 1c Wine. of Any kind.
Add 1c water
Add 2 1/4c tomato sauce
Simmer 20min.

Let's be honest though. A thing of beauty, like the pictured meatball, is more than just a list of ingredients. Attention to detail separates a true meatball from a ball of meat. Allow me to break it down for you.

First things first. Gather round the makings. 

   

A visual for you.
I'm aware I have a full pound of both beef & pork in this picture. However, I assure you I save half of each for later usage.



The Specifics:

Combine the beef & the pork by scraping them together w/two forks. Be gentle though. Think fluff, not tough.

Once combined to your liking...

Take a knife to the garlic

Grate a quarter of an onion.

Then, chop the parsley.
Next up:
Season the meat with salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Add in the two eggs, parm, and ketchup.



Funny face was unintentional. Enjoy anyway.

Break the yolks and fork the mixture through the meat.

Add the parsely, onion, and garlic into the mixture. Again, fork through.



Should look something like this.

Ready for breadcrumbs.

Yayyysh

And yet again, fork through. Then, with clean hands, mix ever-so-gently making sure every single last bread crumb is moistened.



This is unacceptable.



That's more like it.

Wash your hands.

Preheat your pan (I use a 12 in. T-Fal) with 3Tbl of extra virgin olive oil heated over medium.



Preheating.



  

This is the setting I use.

To the heating pan, form the meatballs and add them one by one. I prefer my meatballs to be golf-ball sized.

An example.

Crowded meatballs, or not, the end result will not be affected. Trust me.

Make progess like so:

By the time you've added your final meatball to the pan, it is time to flip. But first, take a moment to wash your hands clean.

Once your hands are clean & dry, grab a clean butter knife and fork. Flip the first meatball added to the pan. Immediately flip the second meatball added to the pan. Flip the third, and so on and so forth.

Like so. This is my technique.



Continue. Until you see this.

Take a breather for a couple of minutes. The meatballs, like you, will benefit from this. Then, deglaze the pan with a cup of any kind of wine. Red or white, doesn't matter. I used the remnants of leftover birthday celebrations I had in my fridge.
 

These meatballs deserve star treatment.

Cook for a couple of minutes.
Pour in a cup of water.
Then add your tomato sauce of choice. I use jarred.

Amount of water I tend to use.

If you have trouble opening jars, tap its lid on the ground to break the seal.

I used that much sauce.


Return to a boil.




 Once boiling, reduce the heat to med-low. Simmer for 20 minutes.


Medium low.



Set your timer, so not to forget.

Walk away. 20 minutes passes. Once you come back, you've done it. You've successfully made meatballs.

Just look at it.

Dig in, eat up. And exclaim, "Now, that's a meataballa!"